Choices
by Absol Master
Summary: A short story of a girl who slowly learns about living the life of a tactician, and of every aspect of it--both good and bad. Oneshot from first person's POV.


Yippee, fanfic **90**!! I'm posting pretty slowly now, because another of my chaptered fanfics is draining me a great deal.

While writing this, I realized how similar Fire Emblem 7 and Pokemon Mystery Dungeon are…making choices, recruiting of members, navigating through places and battling people/Pokemon…Even waking up at the beginning of the game and realizing that you have lost your memory!

Half diary format. Not really, but it's written like a set of diary entries. Not so good…more of a thoughtful piece than anything else.

* * *

Choices

_Half a month after my employment_

I'm Maple, the tactician—at least, I think that's who I am. It's been about half a month since I became one, or rather, assumed that title.

I couldn't remember a thing when I woke up from what must have been a long period of unconsciousness. My name, my home, my family—it just took a knock on the head by someone—and now, I'd forgotten everything. I couldn't remember a thing.

As soon as I woke up, I realised that I was in this little tent, my head throbbing like crazy. I struggled to remember where that design originated, then I barely recalled—Sacae. I was in Sacae?

That was the first thing I noted, and the only thing I could actually remember for the moment.

I lay alone, observing the decorations around me, wondering who had taken me there. This wasn't home, I somehow knew. If it were, I would recognize it.

Minutes later, this girl came in, smiling to see that I was awake. She left quite a first impression—vivid green eyes and hair of the same shade, dressed in the simple traditional clothes of the Sacaeans. She had to be my saviour, I was certain.

She told me to address her as Lyn, then asked for my name. Quickly, I invented myself one—Maple, for it was the first image that came to mind.

Lyn went on to ask about my job. I racked my memory for some piece of information, for something that might make me remember what my old life was. Nothing. Palms sweating, I thought even harder.

Then I searched my pockets and found my hand curled around scrolled up sheet of paper. It was a magical map, one that only a tactician would own. I was a tactician. I told Lyn that, and she seemed glad for that.

Since that day, we have been companions. Lyn used to lead a lonely life, despite her having a tribe to live with. With my discovery, it seems, she has grown a lot happier. Her entire family is gone, and so is mine. She longed for company, and now she has it.

I have assisted her in her singular battles against small troupes of bandits. The commands come naturally to me, and though I have absolutely no memory of such a job, I found that it is easy, and enjoyable. It makes my heart race, concocting plans for movement over the fields, choosing the best routes to avoid confronting the enemy, as they close in, or lie in wait.

We're now on our way to the capital of Sacae, where Lyn will be buying supplies. We've won a few small victories against tiny troupes of bandits already, buy I get the feeling that we'll be confronting a huge group soon, seeing the way they're coming at us like that. All the better. Lyn fights superbly, and I love strategizing.

Yes, I know that there was this huge piece of my life lying, waiting somewhere. I know that I will have to return to it someday. But for now, I'm more than glad that I wound up in Lyn's tent, in the middle of the plains.

I'm glad I started this new, exciting life as her tactician.

* * *

_About two months after my employment_

Lyn has found more companions to join her—or Lady Lyndis, should I say? She prefers not to be called by that name, but why does she turn from her true bloodlines? Part of it must be her defiant love for her wild life on the plains. She doesn't want to leave that, doesn't want to start living a restrictive life in a castle, all of a sudden.

I found out about her true title when these two knights from Lycia, Sain and Kent, found Lyn at Bulgar, the capital. She pretended not to know them, for she didn't want to return to the castle. But then we found out that the last of her family, her grandfather, Lord Hausen, is dying. So our journey took a new twist, and we followed the knights towards the castle.

Our journey has been less than smooth. I learnt of these two knights' skills at battle, and began to command them in battle as well. We've faced all sorts of people—bandits, soldiers, bullies—and each time, we have found new people to join our cause. Our little band of mercenaries has grown to the size of thirteen, and every member has his or her own quirks and idiosyncrasies. They're a great group to battle with, and things have gotten so much more lively.

Now I sit at a fire with them, our dinner cooking over the fire—Lyn is quite a cook! All thirteen of them sit in a circle around us—they're all smiling and chatting after a hard day of journey, and a battle against General Eagler's men. He was really an innocent man, but our trespassing did give him the right to battle us. We spared him, with the least killing we could.

Everyone seems happy about being in our army—even quiet Rath and cautious Erk are smiling as the food is cooking, their faces lit brightly by the firelight as they wait for the food to be ready. Most of them love battling for a good cause, and they face death after death willingly, despite the terror it brings to take another's life.

How glad I am that they have come into my life! I hope I can do my best for them, and win us all the most important battle. It will be thrilling, I am sure.

We're getting closer to Castle Caelin, and we know that Lundgren is behind everything. He _will _pay for it, and we will make sure of that.

* * *

_The next night_

Our battle has ended. We are having dinner once again—our last dinner together, as a band of mercenaries. Lyn found out the truth, and we defeated Lundgren for good. She is eating without a smile now, and there suffering behind her firelit gaze. What did she see or hear within the castle walls, that made her so sad?

I suffer too, but for a different reason. Guilt weighs down on my shoulders like a wet sheet, for what I did.

I should have talked more at dinner last night, said more, listened more closely. Enjoyed the fact that each and every one of them was gathered there for our cause, keeping us company, before it was no longer possible.

Tonight, two faces are missing.

Maybe, if I had done my job properly at our last battle, if I had noticed the danger coming, they would be here with us. I feel horrible, knowing that it was my failed planning and strategizing that brought them to their ends, when they had so much more to live for.

It is such a great burden knowing this. So hard living when, every time I close my eyes, I hear myself shouting a flawed command, only to see one mauled to death moments later by a hidden enemy.

I can't believe that I ever loved strategizing. I can't believe I used to think it was _thrilling, _as if war tactics were a game that I could start over, if I stumbled. The wild excitement of guiding Lyn through the foothills and plains, as we battled troupes of bandits—that was different; that was so much simpler than what being a tactician truly is. I have found out how painful it is, when you have actually made a mistake, in a situation where a single one would mean death…

The rest tell me that it isn't my fault. They say that it's impossible for anyone to handle so much alone. Well, if I could ask those who died whose fault it was, whom else would they blame?

I have no choice but to go on with this career. All I can do now is to hope that I will keep learning, that I will not make such mistakes again. Maybe I'll find employment, with another army. And yet again, what use is gaining another job, if I will keep fumbling, and allow more lives to go to waste?

* * *

_Next morning_

They're leaving now, one by one. Lyn says that she has forgiven me long ago, for their deaths. She doesn't think anyone would have made different choices in my place. There are sacrifices to make sometimes, she tells me, but somehow I can't embrace that thought.

Perhaps her life as a Sacaean has trained her to turn from irreversible setbacks, to move on. She knows how to push pain away for the greater good. I don't think I can ever learn to be like that.

Soon, I'll lose all my friends, all the friends I have made since I woke up that day in her tent…

I'm suddenly standing alone before the castle gates, confronted with the desolate, lonely future, unsure of what to do. But is there anything else to do, but be a tactician?

So I choose to move on with my life as well, in search of a better fate than what I see. I hope that it is the right choice…

* * *

I omitted the names of the dead people on purpose. I didn't want to have to choose two specific people to kill off. This piece disappointed me, but I hope some people still liked it.


End file.
